Career choices for my future & Goals

The events that have occurred this month and last month have led me to this moment. I’m finally getting back on track. I really have to thank my ex-friend for this or else I would have never even thought of it and it never would have came up if it weren’t for him. He really helped me realize that everything I am going through is because I allow myself to go through it and I can’t let people or anything have that power over me. I have to keep and sustain that power because no one defines me except for me.

I decided for my future I want to become a detective or someone who gathers information that is not typically easy to find. The reason why I’ve come to this conclusion is because I actually had to put my skills to test. My ex-friend got catfished and he was catfished HARD, he invested time, money  and started to fall in love with the person. All he could give me was a username and he didn’t want to me to research it but just see the fake page. He is still in shambles over this and didnt want me to EVER bring it up again. But me being the friend I am, I kept looking until I found the real person because even though it hurt him I felt like he deserved to know.

 The person who I found is a older guy who was/is pretending to be a girl. Her persona was a undercover fbi agent with the police force but it turned out none of that was true. The guy pretending to be her is beyond….psychotic.

The amount of fake pages I found was just CRAZY I found over 10 and they weren’t just for the girl he was pretending to be, he even made pages of her best friends and pretended to conversate with them on twitter. How do I know that? On each page every profile followed multiple pornstars and I said to myself, what female follows this many pornstars but yet looks like a teenager? It made no sense. So from the fake pages I found the real girls because he was using the real girls name’s. The real girls are minors. 16 still in highschool and naive. They add anyone and everyone on Facebook and had over 300+ likes on some of their photos.

At first I didn’t realize it though. I was  stuck there to think woah these girls are crazy why would the play with my friend like that. Then I looked deeper into their accounts and I noticed all of them had over 300+ likes on their photos and I went back to my days when I used to have a lot of people staring at my photos. What comes with that territory? People who become obsessed and people who enjoy looking at you. From that I figured he’s gotta be one of the guys liking the girls photos.

He was VERY VERY slick though because I looked at all of the photos and I only found 1 that he liked and it was about 2 years ago. I almost dismissed it but I checked his profile out anyway because his first name matched one of the names the catfisher would mention to my exfriend constantly and he matched. The way he typed, the activities, the games he played and the type of photos, like of a cat getting ran over….exactly like the person that was catfishing my ex-friend. So I showed my ex-friend and if you read my previous post you know how that ended.

With that being said, having to do all of that just brought back memories of what I wanted to do with my life. When I was younger I always wanted to be a detective, a crime scene investigator or just someone who gathers information but I threw that idea out the door because my family wanted me to push for something that makes a lot of money. In the end it following what they wanted just wasn’t for me and I ended up almost throwing everything away. I want to reclaim my life and do what I want, no matter what anyone says.

I took a look at the college I went to before to see what Id have to do and what Id have to go for. What really stuck out to me was the category homeland security  as an information security analyst that seemed like it was more up to in my alley. I found a lot of jobs in my area that is looking for someone specializing in that field too.

This is just the breadcrumbs of something that’s going to turn out great for me. That is where I am right now. I definitely know I want to go back to college and do something more with my life.

What I’m doing right now which is kind of up to customer service alley but a lot more technical. It has a lot of secret information that you have to carry but also provide to people constantly. Having someone scream in my ear when they’re pissed like a baby is not something I want to do for the rest of my life.

I want to be that person that makes a difference but not a huge differencr just a small puzzle piece. I’d like to protect  people and nuture them. Take care of them but I also don’t want to be in the element where I know I’m not mentally ready for it. Being a crime scene investigator it’s all cool and dandy I could definitely see myself around a dead body looking up looking for information gathering evidence but the part I don’t like is having to meet up with people, question a witness or even question a suspect that may be the actual murderer. I definitely don’t want to stand up in court either. I’m not comfortable with that and I’m not comfortable with having to take a test for a position in the government too.

The dream for college is definitely in my long term goal list. Right now, for my short term goals, I’m going to work on what I currently can get taken care of. I have many medical bills that need to be paid, I have some credit debts that also need to be paid off. I’m gradually paying them off and I’m kind of happy about that I’ve never been happy about it but I see them going down as far as payments. It’s progress….it’s a change from all of the years I’ve been trying to fix and fix. It’s finally coming together.

I’m definitely headed in the direction with my life right now and I’m happy to say that because for a very long time I felt like I wasn’t getting anywhere. My life as far as my family is very stressful but I cannot continue to worry about them, what they choose to do and the decisions they make. I have to worry about myself and care about myself, that’s what I’m going to do. That’s what I’m working on.

I’ve been very hesitant about my communication skills and going out there just doing things. I know if I invest in what I want to do with my life and stop trying to latch on to people to see what they suggest that I do, instead of listening to myself, I’ll be happy. I won’t regret choosing what I want for myself. I WILL regret choosing what someone else wants for me.My life has been full of that and I’m tired.

I just want to follow what I want to do. I want to be me. I want to be happy. As of now those are my future goals. I also do need a new car so I plan on having that by the end of this year, hopefully, I’m crossing my fingers and also by the next by the end of next year I hope to be living on my own because right now I’m not but I do need to be on my own. I need to see what it is to be independent. I’d like to be away from family members just on my own. I want to be able to come home from work and just enjoy me at 3 that in and do what I want shoot that would be so freaking nice so that’s what I’m going to do and I’m going to keep it simple because I am simple I’m not a hard person to please and I never will be and this is just what I want to do with my life whether or not people approve or not this is what I want so they can watch me they can hate me they can shake their head but this is me choosing my path and I’m not going to sit down at at the end of the day and say “man, you shouldn’t have chosen that”. No I’m going to say “well….at least you tried.”

-EmbraceFlow

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