Usually whenever I post on my blog I post where I am currently with my life. This time around I wanted to give poetry a try. The last time I ever tried poetry I think I was in high school 9th grade. I never really enjoyed poetry up until now.
I see myself. I feel myself. I love myself. Beautiful. Honest. Happy. Confused. Creative. Bright. Open. Ready. Prepared. Single. Virgo. Good. Woman.
I woke up today with a weight on my chest.
I checked my breast to see if they were the cause of this stress but they passed my overlook test.
So what’s the problem Jasminess? Whats going on?
Well I met a man online that I can mentally walk on the sun, the Earth, the moon, Mars and Jupiter on.
I tried something new.
I laid out all of my truth before him good with the bad and waited for him until dawn.
He always came back to me always showed his love and his Christ like energy.
I wasn’t and am not feeling him physically but I overlooked it because his soul was in sync with mine and appearances are only temporary.
I felt the need to let him know that I am blessed physically with ass, legs and breast.
When I finally showed him his mouth said one thing but his actions said the rest.
I would have never guessed it would be like this.
Now I hardly hear anything from him. No good morning and no good night.
No I love you babe, I wish I could hold you tight.
I thought what we had was beyond what the world has deemed wrong and right.
He understood every breath I spoke to him, I just don’t understand why physical can’t be overlooked.
I was willing to drop everything in my life and book a flight to see him and share my light.
Considering marriage for once in my life.
Now I’m thinking about dropping weight.
How this will be a problem any time I date.
I’m not even big I was just blessed with a beautiful bosom and the height of a 5’2 elf.
But it is what is. One thing about people is: you have no control over them, only yourself.
So if he chooses to take this route, then I’ll gladly see him out.
Because I know I am a good woman and there is a man out there that will accept me for who I am within and what the world sees.
What he fails to realize is physically appearance can change at any time but your soul wont.
Now on the flip side, I got my family, job and conscious crap to deal with.
Mama waking up in the morning complaining, eyeing me with that look “Why haven’t you cleaned your room? All you do is sit around on that computer.”
She is another one of those people who only thinks on one dimension, a one way straight shooter.
She never stops to think may be my room looks a mess because that’s how I feel inside but even if I were to express that to her, she would still be the prosecutor.
My niece so young and innocent. Jaded of her mama so she has her Auntie and grandma.
Wake up the next day, time for work.
An environment that seems inviting but get sick real quick and they won’t back you up for shit.
All the false smiles, changes and prep talk all to make us believe that this is normal and “you should be cool with it”.
Accept, accept, accept. NO. I REJECT, REJECT, REJECT.
Why do all of the Caucasians work day shift and the Minorities 2nd and 3rd shift.
But no one wants to hear that. No one wants to be told the false picture that has been painted isn’t even a picture at all, it’s a check list.
And then money.
Money, I could care less about you.
You are an illusion that society has used to put you on a pedestal.
You are debt you even have it in clear writing right on your bill but no one takes the time read they just buy the prescription and take the pill.
All of this worldly weight on me.
I wish I could shake it off.
It’s so overwhelming.
It brings me to tears.
Why does it have to be this way? Why can’t we just be us?
Love. Appreciate. Love. Give. Love. Reciprocate. Love. Live.
The system. The system. The system.
There is no such thing as king and queen, THAT IS THE WORLD TELLING YOU THAT!!
I want to share but no one will understand.
They’ll just go back to ordering their Mcdonald’s sandwich or Dunkin Donuts coffee and tell me, “That’s unfortunate.”
That is why I am honest with myself and everyone else now.
Because if no one else will be then “For you, I will be that bitch.”