Recognizing the Struggles of Losing Weight

I can literally go through my previous blogs I’ve had and every year around this time I have a post of what my yearly goals are and more than not I’ve actually completed those goals but never in the same year just over the years. Like getting a car, getting a full time job, buying things that I always wanted. But one goal that I can never seem to achieve is to lose some freaking weight. What the heck am I doing that’s wrong. Why do I keep quitting? Let’s reflect.

I live at home with my mom and my niece currently. The only reason why I’m okay living here right now is because someone has to take care of my niece while my mom is gone and sleeping.

First time (2012 – 2013) – At the time I was in college, no job, just broke up with my ex, depressed and stressed. I would count calories on, worked out to Leslie Sansone 1 – 3 mile videos and I did it for 3 weeks. I had to use financial aid money to buy things. I lost 15 lbs but I felt horrible because I was eating canned food with rice and getting heart burn. I also was not drinking enough water. My motivation for working out was to show it off to my ex-boyfriend, which he did notice. After that I got off track. That’s the longest I ever stuck to it as far as eating under my calorie take and exercising.

Second time (2014 – 2015) – I was in my last semesters of college only taking two classes  online and didn’t have a job but I did have a 6 month old niece that had just learned to walk at the same time. The only income I had coming in was from creating jewelry online and that was maybe $15 – $20 a week. My mom would give me $20 a week. I would take that and go to the store. I would buy some bell peppers, rice, a whole watermelon/bananas/grapes (whichever was cheaper), chicken breast or tilapia and cornbread mix. I would cook that every day. I spent most of the day chasing my niece around, playing with her and gaming on I did that for a couple of months and lost about 40 lbs I was 200 lbs the lowest I ever weighed throughout this journey. I never had to exercise intentionally and I was actually happy. I stopped doing this once I obtained my first job.

Third time (2015 – 2016)  – I had a job and money. I stopped making jewelry because my niece kept destroying it along with my sister when I left for work. I wasn’t happy at all. My job was stressing me at home and so was being home. I couldn’t get any piece at home because my sister was living with us and she’s one of those “cameras everywhere” people to the point of being destructive. I became intolerant to brown rice which was my key to eating healthy. If I even eat it I would have continuous uncontrollable gas and it was embarrassing at work it took a few weeks before I realized what was causing it. Over time I started exercising for two weeks but I wasn’t able to eat right because the healthy food I did buy would be eaten when I came back home from work. So I gave up. This cycle happened a few times that year. I ended up gaining weight.

Forth time – I bought a treadmill and dumbbells. I bought a tablet and downloaded a lot of workout videos and Leslie Sansone videos. I bought healthy food but I was too lazy to actually cook it. So I’d get up early and workout on my treadmill and every other day just work out to a few videos. I stopped doing it because 1.) My niece wanted to always join and there wasn’t enough space for us both and she’s was a small child that just liked to play I couldn’t work out constantly yelling and telling her to stop this and that. 2.) My sister still lived with us and I’d notice after coming home my workout items weren’t in the same place and my treadmill would seem moved or used every day like it was being tampered with. 3.) I had to share any and everything I cooked so if I didn’t take it to work it would be gone or picked over when I came home from work. 4.) It became too much I was working 10 hour shifts which is really 12 hours if you count driving to and from work. I didn’t have enough time to work out, do my hair after sweating, get dressed, cook a full meal and rush to work. All of my energy would be drained and on top of that I wasn’t getting enough sleep due to my sister and her paranoia, I had to constantly watch her. So I gave up and I gained even more weight.

Fifth times a charmer…maybe.

This time around what’s different? Well for one my sister no longer lives with us so there is a lot of peace in the household. My niece has grown out of destroying things so I was able to start my jewelry business back up. She also goes to school now so I can workout when she’s not home. There is no one that will eat my food up after cooking it. My mom’s not a big eater and my niece isn’t either so the food will still be there. I’m not working right now so I have plenty of free time. I am a little depressed but that’s because I’m at a transitional period as far as money I was worried about how I’d get income. I’m out from work on disability due to anxiety attacks. I am just not comfortable at work anymore and I don’t know if it’s just that job or all jobs. But I’m trying to lay off of that right now and just focus on what I CAN fix instead of worrying about money and income.

The hardest part about this right now is COMMITMENT and ORGANIZATION. I kind of don’t know what I want to do versus before I always had a plan and idea of what I wanted to do. How I would do it.

What I do know is this time around it can’t be stressful. I don’t want it to be a inconvenience in my schedule or irritated by doing it. I don’t want to overwhelm myself with doing too much. The simpler the better.

First what I am going to focus on is just exercising. Just do it. I’m not even going to weigh myself I’m just going to commit myself to exercising for the next two weeks. Meanwhile I want to make a small flow chart of daily tasks. Just to give myself an idea of what I can do. I’m not going to make it an obligation just options of simple things I can do. That will be easy for me to commit to and remember.

-Embrace Flow

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